While I’m laying on the beach and canoodling my new husband, I’ve asked some special ladies to guest post for me! The theme I gave them was “Love” and I love how they each put their own little spin on it! Today I’d like to welcome Alison, from Alison in the Burgh!
For the longest time, I didn’t want kids. Ever. They’re messy, they’re loud, they don’t listen. A simple stroll through Walmart anywhere near the toy section and my fallopian tubes instinctively started tying themselves in knots. Not to mention the whole giving birth thing. You want me to squeeze what through where?! I wanted nothing to do with that. People kept telling me my feelings would change as I got older. Nope, not me. Nuh uh. Never.
Let’s back the truck up a bit to January 2008, shortly after my cousin had her first daughter. My cousin and I were raised like sisters and were always incredibly close. When I finally got to meet my new “niece”, I immediately fell in love. She was quite possibly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Then in August 2009, my second “niece” was born. I was accidentally in the delivery room for this one (a story for another blog post), and contrary to what you see on television, giving birth isn’t the panicky, screaming, crying, OMGKILLMENOW situation that actors make it out to be. After about 15 minutes of actual pushing, there was a baby. And she was awesome. And she wasn’t damn near the size of a toddler like the movies would have you believe either. This little thing seemed a lot more manageable for my no-no. What’s that, biological clock? You’d like to start ticking now? Well, alright.
A year or so later, I met my current boyfriend, Jacob. Jacob is basically the male version of me. When we met, we were both around 28, and neither of us had a lot of responsibility aside from our jobs and the usual bills. We both liked to play softball multiple times a week, go to happy hours with friends, and we enjoyed not having anything to keep us from getting up and going wherever we wanted at the drop of a hat.
But something in me changed after I met him. For one thing, he made it very apparent that he was falling hard for me from the get go (but can you blame him? Wink.) and I felt the same way about him. I know it’s cliché for people to say that they’ve never felt like this about someone before, but I genuinely never felt like this about someone before. Secondly, I loved the way he interacted with my family and all of the young children in my family. I caught myself thinking that he’ll make a great husband and dad someday on quite a few occasions.
At the time, this apparent change wasn’t something I realized as it was happening. And then one day, I was out looking for a new car. I found one I liked, took it for a test drive, kicked the tires, looked under the hood, etc. I was sitting in the car by myself, looking around, trying to decide if this would be a good car for me for the next 6+ years. I looked in the backseat and thought, “You could totally fit a baby seat back there.”
Excuse me, brain, but what did you just say? Baby seat? Where in the hell did that come from? First of all, I’m cringing at the idea of signing a piece of paper that says I promise to give this bank a large chunk of my money every month for the next 6 years. I mean, that’s quite the commitment, is it not? And kids? That is a LIFETIME of commitment. A lifetime is a long time, if you weren’t already aware. And the responsibility of doing everything in my power to make sure that said kids don’t grow up to be complete assholes? Too much pressure. Stop the ride, because I’d like to get off now.
I guess everyone gets to a point in their life where they let themselves become completely swallowed up in this falling in love, settling down, committing to another person, taking on huge responsibilities thing. Whether it’s a spouse or a child or a pet, you are committing yourself to something else for as long as that something else is here on this earth. That is huge. For a long time, it terrified me. But situations change. People change. People and things spark a change in you when you least expect it. And there’s no other option but to move forward through the change, adapt to it, and hope for a good outcome.
Jacob and I recently adopted an adorable little puppy. Having a dog is basically like having a child. We reorganize our lives around her needs. We have to train her to not be an asshole. She poops. She pees. She whines. She needs food. She needs bathed. She is a lot of responsibility. And we love it. We love her unconditionally, even when she bites the hell out of our ankles and cries to be let outside at the butt crack of dawn. Is this similar to the unconditional love that a parent has for their child? I’d like to think so. And unconditional love makes us do things that we weren’t sure we were capable of before. If the way I am handling our new puppy is any indication of how I will handle having a child, I think I’m up to the challenge. Not today, but someday.
To everyone who said my feelings would change, you were right. Dammit.