If any of you have ever done yoga, you know that during savasana you should be relaxing your mind, letting things go, concentrating on releasing stress from your body and mind.
I. can’t. do. this.
In the process of trying to let things go, my mind floods with everything I’m not able to let go, and last night it flooded with why I am unable to do this.
I never let things go. I hold onto every painful thing that’s ever happened, and it’s at those times of should-be relaxation that I think about them most. When I’m trying to fall asleep at night, or just taking a walk, or during this specific part of a yoga session, I get emotionally overwhelmed with memories, and never the good ones.
Last night I started to think about why this happens, why I can’t just get over stuff. After laying in that pose for about 10 minutes, it came to me. I’m not getting over it, because I’m not forgiving it for happening. I’m not forgiving the people involved, and I’m not forgiving myself for being in a position to let things happen in the first place. I started to remember all the things that I’m still not over, and came up with a list of people I need to forgive before I can move on with my life, and feel that true relaxed feeling that others are able to achieve.
- I need to forgive my parents for their divorce, and remember that it really was the best thing that ever happened to our family
- I need to forgive my brother for the hurtful things he says, and realize that he’s in a bad place in his life right now, and will someday come back around.
- I need to forgive my mom for her actions, and remind myself that this is who she is, and she won’t always say or do the right thing, but she’s still my mom and with me every step of the way
- I need to forgive my old co-workers for all the crap that went on at my old job and remember the good things that came from working there, like meeting Justin and gaining the experience to move into my current position.
- I need to forgive my ex for not always treating me right, and be thankful because it could have been a lot worse
- I need to forgive old friends and realize that we’ve all grown up and it’s natural for people to grow apart
Most of all, I need to forgive myself and remember that things happen for a reason, I can’t control everything that’s going to happen in my life, and that for every bad thing there are hundreds of good. I need to stop carrying everything with me, and allowing it to hold me back from moving on in my life. I need to let my walls down and stop worrying that these things will happen again.
I really hope that by letting myself forgive these people and myself, that I’ll finally be able to relax my mind of these thoughts and move forward. It’s time to let everything go. I’ve learned from my mistakes and I know that I’m going to make more, and I need to allow that natural progression to take place.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Just starting to think about letting go is a big step.
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Age-Defying Magic =-.
Another one of the things we learn on the mat is to acknowledge thoughts and feelings, and allow them to pass – not passing any judgment for thinking or feeling them. This visualization helps me (sometimes, not always) calm my mind a little more. Savasana is often the hardest pose for every yogi, because of the mental challenge that it entails.
In terms of forgiveness – spend some time in bridge pose, and if you’d like an explanation of why – hit me up on gchat or send me an email. It was a really powerful pose for me, more than once, in terms of forgiveness. When you lift your heart up and open your heart up so much, you let go of the things you’re holding onto and allow your heart to open to new possibilities.
I cried in this posture this week. It’s really powerful stuff.
.-= Doniree´s last blog ..Dancer =-.
You’ve got e-mail. :)
Acknowledging that you have these things to work on is the first step. People often don’t see that and just place blame wherever they can. It’s good to be able to write down what you’re feeling and the steps you need to take to move forward.
Good luck with that! :)
I can totally relate to some of the things on your list. I’m thankful for my parents diviorce – it was the best thing for everyone. I’m still working on my relationship with my Dad (he now lives in the UK…but I’m still trying) and last but not least, accepting that we all change and that our past friendships are simply that, past. We meet new and interesting people each and everyday and that’s what we should be grateful for. Sure it’s nice to look back on what was but your future is key and all things from here on out will be beautiful and somewhat perfect =)
thanks for posting this…it made me remember those little things in life that I sometimes put on the back burner OR over-stress about for no real reason at all.
have a happy weekend!
.-= Tasha´s last blog ..A picture really is worth a thousand words =-.
I just need to make sure you’re reading Hannah Just Breathe…
Because if you aren’t, you need to be. :-)
.-= LiLu´s last blog ..In Which I Surprise Trust Fall (Read: Abuse) Tourists on the National Mall =-.
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