Valentine’s Day

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been an avid hater of the big V Day. Hater to the point that there is a picture of me in my Senior High School Year Book wearing a homemade t-shirt that says “I hate Valentine’s Day” with a picture of a heart with a corkscrew through it. It wasn’t because I was single and bitter. Actually, at that point I had a boyfriend (off and on) of almost four years. I just felt that this holiday was pointless. I’ve had multiple boyfriends try to change my mind, but I guess I’m the kind of girl who wants a card and flowers because you want to give them to me, not because you’re supposed to on this particular day.

It was last year when I realized that this day is about so much more than I ever imagined. Last year I learned that Valentine’s Day is a time to recognize the one in your life that holds you up when your own two feet aren’t steady enough. It doesn’t have to mean a significant other. Now looking back, I know that in years past I just didn’t get it yet. When I overlooked the fact that my gramma would always buy just enough Hallmark cards to get the free stuffed animal for me. When I overlooked my brothers’ attempt to get me through my parent’s divorce. When I overlooked the fact that my mom, though not always my closest companion, does actually have my best interest in mind…well most of the time anyway…

Last year, this year, and what I hope to be every year to come, this person is Justin.

Last year, when only a week had gone by since I left a job under horrendous conditions, had to unexpectedly move out of my apartment, and had to make the split-second decision to move in with a boy I had only been dating for six months. Last year when I couldn’t function, because I was so hurt by others in my life, he was there. Last year he gave me the perfect card, one that said he’d always be there, whenever I needed him, whenever I forgot how to stand.

This year was no different. This year it’s the distance between us. This year it’s the feeling of leaving him or being left behind weekend after weekend. This year it’s wondering how many more Sunday nights will be spent cuddling with a pillow, wishing it was him. This year he again gave me the perfect card, this time with a letter, one that says how he feels about me, even though he doesn’t always know how to say it. One that gives me security in knowing that someday Sunday nights will once again be spent in his arms.

I can’t wait to see what next year will bring.

<3